September 2007

When we first heard about the shootings at Virginia Tech, most of us experienced overwhelming feelings of shock, disbelief and sadness very much like our reaction to the horror of 9/11. These feelings of grief can be just as intense as when we lose a loved one who is close to us.

College and university students are especially susceptible as they wonder how can something like this happen on a campus - usually a safe and pleasant environment. Some students may experience survivor guilt. The American Psychological Association’s (APA) website at http://www.apahelpcenter.org.articles has some helpful suggestions for college students as well as others to help them cope with their grief. After accessing the site, enter “Virginia Tech” in the search box.

The APA Help Center explains that it is typical for people to experience a variety of emotions following such a traumatic event. These emotions can very similar to what we feel when a loved one close to us passes away. The Help Center suggests a number of ways to cope with these emotions and cautions that professional help should be an option when one has difficulty functioning or performing basic activities of daily living. It is also well to remember that many funeral directors are trained as grief counselors and can provide solace to those who are overwhelmed by feelings of grief.

In addition, the New York State Funeral Directors Association (NYSFDA) has several publications dealing with grief available at the Bookstore page on their website www.nysfda.org.

Writing in the Director, the magazine published by the National Funeral Directors Association, Celine Clark observes that funeral directors are in a position to offer a safe place for reflection and remembrance, a community resource that cannot be underestimated. According to Ms. Clark, “Every day funeral directors walk families through their own quiet tragedies, losses whose impact might not have a national reach but that are no less devastating to those funeral directors serve.”

Ms. Clark offers ways in which funeral homes can open their doors to the community and serve as a place to mourn during times like these:

• Place a special condolence book in the funeral home’s reception area for folks in the community to sign.
  
  
• Conduct a memorial service as a powerful way to honor the dead.
  
  
• Let the community know what the funeral home is doing.
  
  
• As for Virginia Tech, the students and faculty are recovering slowly. Norris Hall, where most of the shootings occurred, will be open for offices and laboratories but no classrooms. “After considering all points of view that were offered, I determined the best course of action to enable the College of Engineering to continue its healing was to move forward with phased reuse of the building,” Tech president Charles Steger said in a statement.
  
• Remember that feeling grief when a tragedy such as the Virginia Tech shootings occurs is a character trait of a compassionate and sensitive person.

(Bonnie McCullough is executive director of the New York State Funeral Directors Association, an organization of close to 800 funeral homes. If you have a question about funeral service or would like a list of NYSFDA member funeral directors in your area, contact NYSFDA, 426 New Karner Road, Albany, NY 12205.)