"Grief After Suicide of a Loved One"

Although no confirmed data exists to determine the actual number of people who have lost a loved one to suicide, the American Association of Suicidology estimates that there are 32,000 annual suicides in the United States. Based on this figure, the number of survivors grows by 186,000 people each year. Suicide is the 11th leading cause of death for all age groups and the third leading cause of death for 15-24 year olds.

"Surviving a death is to endure dreadful pain. Surviving a death by suicide is to descend into a chasm of Hell," according to Sondra Sexton-Jones, author of "This Is Survivable." Sondra writes that suicide is often coupled with the added burden of public embarrassment, private shame and humiliation. "If those were not enough to contend with, waves of anger and guilt may consume every waking moment for a long time. You will be profoundly changed by this event."

Grief, as we are taught to understand it, is greatly distorted when suicide is the cause of death of a loved one. Some may question whether their feelings are normal.

Survivors of suicide may experience an overwhelming need to understand "why." Other questions can arise. "I should have known something was wrong. Why did he/she do this to me? What can I say to people who come to the funeral?"

After suicide, the surviving family members have been shown the worst possible example of how to end pain and problems. Some may even consider ending their own life as a way to stop hurting. It is normal to try to ease the pain of grief and loss but not normal to think of ending one's life to escape it. A survivor who is experiencing such emotions should see a mental health professional immediately.

Grief after suicide is often very effectively addressed within the safe, understanding environment of a suicide survivor support group. When survivors feel overwhelmed by their grief, it is enormously helpful to reach out to a local chapter of The Samaritans. Their "Safeplace" program is a support group for those who have lost a loved one to suicide. The Samaritans recognize that death by suicide and the grief felt afterwards is unlike any other grief experience. They provide a time and a place for families and friends who have lost a loved one in this way to share experiences, emotions, support and information.

It is so important for those who are working through any type of grief to talk about it, but especially so in the case of suicide. Talk with friends, family members and, most importantly, talk to people such as are found at the Samaritans or at the local Community Hospice.

Your family funeral director can also refer you to compassionate grief counselors in your area. Many helpful publications, such as "This is Survivable," can be found at the New York State Funeral Directors Association's Bookstore at www.nysfda.org .

(Research information for this article supplied by the Samaritans Suicide Prevention Center - a program of Family and Children's Service of the Capital Region and the American Association of Suicidology.)